Pardon Osama bin Laden


Dear President-elect Obama,

I’m sitting home now, an hour and a half into my Christmas morning, just me and the dogs. Missus is in hospital doing fine after surgery, and that’s all I need or want for myself, to have a cool Yule this year. The new year will start out fine, if I overlook the first 20 days of NPWTN (or “nipwit”- no president worthy of the name) during which W will be busier than at any time in his presidency, doing what he has always done best, namely looking after his cronies. I’m talking, of course, about all the pardons that are going to be conferred on the legions of mediocrity that have been Bush Administration appointees over the sorriest last 8 years in our political memory.

The names will amount to a roll call as long as that of Congress itself, more than likely, and will only be remarkable or surprising in its omission of a bunch of names that belong on both lists. Scripps columnist Jay Ambrose recently moaned in the lede of a column headed “War Crimes Trial for Bush” that we in the left are “..salivating, because here’s [our] chance to get George W. Bush, to put him on trial for war crimes, and if doing so tears this nation apart, so what? That’s what justice demands, they say.” Never mind that it was the crimes that tore us apart, not our blowing the whistle and calling the cops.

It is an apologia worthy of the dismal reign of George the W, laying as it does the responsibility for the current state of a nation torn apart at the feet of those of us who have warned from the earliest days after 9/11, of the venal folly inherent in declaring a global war on terror (GWOT) and invading Afghanistan, followed by the criminal invasion and occupation of Iraq, the total collapse of the facade of federal disaster readiness in the wake of Katrina, the scurrilous doings of the Criminal-in-Chief Vice-president “You don’t know” Dick Cheney as he betrayed career CIA operative Valerie Plame in an attempt to get ahead of the bad-news-getting-worse cycle that the Iraq fiasco was inevitably becoming, down to and including orders to torture those illegally held at Guantanamo and elsewhere. Lies. Scams. Renditions. War profiteering. Millions dispossessed, maimed or killed. And then there’s the economy, another whole supertanker of rotten administration fish.

So, Mr. President-elect, we fully expect W to save you and your incoming administration a lot of DOJ grief by pardoning his gang, up to and including  the small army of greedy bastards at the top of America’s banking-insurance-industrial pyramid (remember W’s  turkey-strutting, gobbling boast “Some call you ‘the elite’; I call you my base!”?).

In my heart of hearts, I may be even more cynical than Ambrose imagines, for it would not surprise me at all to find, on the morning of Jan. 19, that W has resigned, effectively making the already pardoned Don’t Know Dick the de facto President, clearing the way for him to become the last jerk, completing the circle and pardoning W himself. Not for nothing does the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart lay into the “Cluster-f**k at the White House”.

The mass-pardon strategem will work for the fowl-feathered minions and friends of GW Bush, but there are a lot of friendly countries whose law enforcement agencies will have a list of highly specific questions for many of them, should they attempt to leave the cozy heated stadium full of pardoned W minions in the USA, and wander carelessly abroad without checking first to see exactly what laws are on which countries’ books governing torture and the “shock and awe” invasion and occupation  of sovereign nations, including the destruction of vast swaths of civilian territory and all the brutality it occasions, and all justified by bogus claims abandoned only in the face of overwhelming evidence bleating, “But he was a bad man!” Children in America have been locked up for years for far less.

Yes, W will save you a lot of trouble by these pardons, Mr. Obama, and it might behoove you to sit down with him in the next few days and discuss the possibility of adding one more name to the list. It’s a name that has drifted into obscurity lately, but some of us remember it. We find irony in the fact that we are, ourselves, just as successful at bringing the gentleman to justice as is GW Bush, and we have a lot less to work with. I speak of that evil genius, Osama bin Laden, the architect of 9/11 who, if he is alive at all,  remains at large.

The Familographer suspects bin Laden is not alive, and that there are those at the highest levels of US and al Qaeda officialdom who know it; they keep him alive in the public mind as the last shred of justification for all that has transpired and still festers in the vast wild arc of Islam between the Mediterranean and Kashmir, Tbilisi and Mumbai, be revealed for what it has ever been: militaristic hegemonism among extreme ideological forces of capital and the ardent religionists who control them.

A pardon of Osama would save America from blundering further down this Fool’s Path on which she has been placed by a Fool’s Administration, liberating us from the throes of political and economic self-immolation. There will be those who shriek “No, No, no pardons for such a monster! He wants to destroy America!” One can only wonder what Osama could possibly do now that would be more successful than what he’s already accomplished, absent the amount of voluntary assistance given him by the GWOT?

Most every schoolboy raised in any of the villages between the Great Plains and the Great Basin  has spent many weekends becoming an expert marksman by marauding the unnaturally dense populations of  ground squirrels and jackrabbits  that exploded following the extermination of predators who lived on them, to make it safe for the beeves and woolies then herded onto the rangelands. Those who still want to deliver  justice to Osama, even after he’s been pardoned, could do worse (and have done worse for years and billions) than ask one of the juvenile nimrods roaming the sagebrush  with his .22  about the most effective strategy for plugging ground squirrels. Promise the Familographer one thing, first. Once Osama’s pardoned, and you take that big rodent out, please don’t tell Homeland Security that you learned how to do it by reading this blog. That would be viewed as a crime,  and the only criminals who get pardons for  high crimes and misdemeanors are the  ones in far higher places.

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2 responses to “Pardon Osama bin Laden

  1. All the best wishes to you and especially for your wife’s healing!

    There are fewer places I’d rather NOT be on Christmas than the hospital. Whether or not one is a believer.

    Take Care and give my regards to your wife!

    B’Man

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